Alan Harper
Dr. Alan Jerome "Al" Harper, DC, is a character from the CBS sitcom Two and a Half Men. Portrayed by Jon Cryer, Alan is the hapless and helpless biological father of Jake Harper, roommate and best friend of Walden Schmidt and the surviving younger brother of Charlie Harper. He is cheap at all times, due to the alimony and child support he has to pay. As of Season 9, he is the show's main protagonist, a position previously held by Charlie from seasons 1-8. Personality A main theme of the show is the brothers' abilities in dating. Alan is very shy when it comes to women and has had several long-term relationships end badly, making him the polar opposite of his brother Charlie, who can get any girl he wants but rarely sees women after he sleeps with them (though Charlie has also had some longer relationships conclude unhappily ever after himself). He cares for his son, but often finds himself even less appealing to women than him; he once told Jake if he ends up like him, he'll be "carrying a proud family tradition". It seems he always has lubricant because he always masturbates. History Alan used to be married to Judith (Marin Hinkle), who is the mother of their son Jake, then Judith divorced Alan. The divorce was hard on Alan, He lost almost all of his possesions and got stuck with paying her $3875 monthly alimony, Judith lived a luxurious life on Alan's alimony until she got remarried to Dr. Herb Melnick (also known as Greg Melnick in earlier episodes), Jake's pediatrician (Ryan Stiles), which meant Alan didn't have to pay her alimony anymore. Alan was over the moon, even pushing them to get together. They are good friends and he is even closer to Charlie and Alan than to her. Alan's second wife, Kandi (April Bowlby), was one of Charlie's old girlfriends. She's known for being so incredibly stupid that she makes Jake look like an intellectual--along with a lot of the other bimbos Charlie beds. Her mother said she inherited that stupidity from her "moron" father. She tends to date only older men as she may have some father issues. In the divorce, she received Alan's condo which they bought with the casino winnings they earned right after their impromptu Las Vegas wedding. Alan drives a Volvo station wagon and runs his own chiropractic care clinic out in the San Fernando Valley (even winning The San Fernando Valley Chiropractic Award more than once), though he gets irritated when people point out he is not a medical doctor. Alan wanted to be a M.D., but the only school he could afford was one in Mexico. Alan lives in the guest room of Charlie's beach house. He did not pay any rent for the first 5 years, 2 months and 11 days that he was living there, since nearly every cent he had went towards alimony and taking care of Jake; when Evelyn said she would pay for Jake's college education, Alan had no incentive to go to work and felt aimless. He then agreed to fork over some money to Charlieeverymonth, though the amount that would earn him a say in the household's operations was too high for him. While he loves his brother and son, Alan harbors a degree of resentment towards Charlie since money and women just seem to fall into his lap, while Alan, who has worked hard his entire life, remains a failure, and has yet to reap such rewards. He seems to have little faith in Jake due to his lazy and unmotivated attitude. After Charlie's death in Season 9, Alan was extremely saddened and lonely. He shares a heartfelt goodbye to Charlie's cremated remains, expressing his love for him and appreciation for letting Jake and him live there for the past 8 years. He was going to scatter his ashes along the beach until Walden's sudden appearence startled him, causing him to accidentaly throw the jar containing Charlie's ashes into the air, scattering Charie's remains all over the living room. As he is unable to afford the beach house, Alan reluctantly sells the house to Walden, Alan and Jake continued to live the house permantly, which has been their home for eight years; he is considered by Walden to be his best friend. He continues to be Walden's guide into the world of dating and, well... basically everything else he hasn't done that an average joe does. Although he is genuinely Walden's best friend, Alan has an interior motive; keep Walden in the house and paying for it so he doesn't end up homeless or having to live with Evelyn. However, his repressed grief over losing his only brother eventually gets the better of him causing him to go insane believing himself to be Charlie. This is spurred by the desire to live the life his brother had and as a way to try to keep his brother "alive". After spending 28 days in a rehab center and Walden remodels his deceased brother's beach house, Alan sadly realizes that Charlie is really gone and he no longer has a reason to stay in his late brother's beach house. Walden assures him that he still belongs there and Alan continues to stay in Charlie's (now Walden & Alan's) beach house. Relationships Judith Harper-Melnick Alan's first wife and the mother of Jake is Judith. She is generally portrayed as humorless, bitter and hypocritical. Judith told Alan that the reason they were separating was because it wasn't working out, but then later told Alan that she had realized she was a lesbian...only to change her mind again later. Rumor has it the show was going to use the "my wife left me for another woman" theme, but the audiences voted against it. Alan and Judith met as teenagers at school and married at a young age. During the separation Alan desperately tried to get back with Judith, as he was seeming to think that they were getting along again, but it turned out that Judith was only using Alan to do her chores. Judith takes every chance she gets to humiliate Alan, even though it is sometimes clear that Alan and Judith still have feelings for each other; in a Season 5 episode, Alan begins dating a divorced woman who is friends with him and Judith but keeps having visions of Judith and Herb making love, leading his date to say that he's not over Judith. Alan and Judith dated once more after the divorce, but kept failing to get intimate because of Jake interrupting at the wrong time, causing Alan to have to hide. When they finally do get a chance to get intimate, Alan becomes upset afterwards because Judith has learned some new moves in bed since the divorce. Alan starts another fight with her when Jake starts to walk into the room, causing Alan to jump out of the second story window and land in a thorn bush. When Alan gets home he then realizes why he and Judith do not need to be together because it is always constant fighting. During the divorce proceedings, Alan nearly lost all of his possessions due to Charlie sleeping with his attorney (Heather Locklear) and then breaking up with her, forcing him to fire her before the settlement could be finalized and find a new lawyer. Judith gets remarried in "Smooth as a Ken Doll" to Dr. Herb Melnick, Jake's pediatrician. Since that day, Alan may only be paying alimony to his second wife Kandi, a relief since there was some time before Judith remarried that he had to pay it to both Judith and Kandi. It is possible Alan does not pay Kandi alimony because she now makes much more money than he does, and that she signed divorce papers because she wanted to safeguard her earnings from Alan. In Season 6, Judith threw Herb out of their house and later slept with Alan, but their reconciliation ended when Alan realized Judith hadn't changed from the angry, irrational person who had divorced him. Judith later told Alan that she and Herb were expecting another child, leaving a horrified Alan to calculate whether or not he is, in fact, the biological father. Alan spent some time researching and trying to see if he was the father or Herb, when he tried to talk to Judith about she irrationally denied she and Alan ever slept together and threated to blow his brains out if he told Herb. Over the course of the show emenimty between Alan and Judith has increased dramatically. Kandi Alan's second wife, Kandi, was one of Charlie's old girlfriends, who Charlie originally dated as a backup in case something went wrong between him and his girlfriend Mia. When Kandi came looking for Charlie, she met Alan, and they fell in love. They married, but divorced later, because Alan didn't want any children. When Alan decided that he wanted to have children with Kandi they had not officially signed their divorce papers. Kandi then heard that she had a main role on a TV series, called Stiffs, and said that "nobody wants to see a pregnant "fornesic" scientist" before signing the papers that ended their marriage. Their married life was never shown in episodes, lasting only between the third and fourth seasons. Judith gets remarried in "Smooth as a Ken Doll" to Dr. Herb Melnick, Jake's pediatrician. Since that day, Alan may only be paying alimony to his second wife Kandi, a relief since there was some time before Judith remarried that he had to pay it to both Judith and Kandi. It is possible Alan does not pay Kandi alimony because she now makes much more money than he does, and that she signed the divorce papers because she wanted to safeguard her earnings from Alan. Melissa Melissa (Kelly Stables) is Alan's former receptionist. She served as his receptionist for most of season 6 and is shown to have a perky demeanor. Before she dated Alan, she had dated Charlie in "The Flavin And The Mavin," which ended disastrously with her driving angrily and fast in a heavy rainstorm on the way to Alan's office and Alan being forced to give her a raise and health insurance. After recovering from her breakdown, Melissa starts to fall for Alan, but he is also introduced to her mother, which complicates things---especially after Melissa catches them in bed together in "David Copperfield Slipped Me A Roofie." Since then, Melissa has been working in the hospital where Judith gave birth in "Baseball Was Better with Steroids" to try and forget about him. However, her feelings for Alan return while Judith is giving birth, and they end up making out in the storage closet. In the season 7 premiere "818-jklpuzo," Melissa appears to have moved into the Harper beach house; when Charlie reminds Alan, he is quick to deny it. In "Whipped Unto The Third Generation," after being forced by Chelsea, Charlie lets Melissa stay. When Alan and Melissa take advantage of Charlie's generosity, Charlie stays the night at a hotel. Alan is quick to join him when Chelsea and Melissa do not obey his commands. Alan and Charlie turn to Evelyn, who reveals that Melissa and Charlie slept together, making Chelsea and Melissa end their friendship, and Melissa moves out, promising never to return to Charlie's house again. In the episode "Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator," Melissa is tired of Alan's cheapness and the fact that he doesn't have his own place. Alan then decides to take a job as Evelyn's assistant to earn some extra money. When showing a particularly nice house, Evelyn informes Alan that the couple that own the place have houses all over the country and probably don't even remember that this one is here. Alan uses this to his favour by inviting Melissa over to the house that night and lies by telling her that he has rented it. As to not leave any trace, Alan (although he doesn't tell her) suggests that they have sex on a beach towel on the living room floor. After, they accidentally spill wine on the carpet and Alan starts a fight since they weren't supposed to be there. They make up, however, but Alan then forces them to flee in their underwear when Evelyn arrives with potential buyers. When they are caught by the cops outside, Melissa quickly runs away, leaving Alan to deal with the cops. It is implied that due to this incident Melissa and Alan are broken up (or as Alan puts it, "You could say I dumped Melissa and decided she never wants to see me again for as long as she lives"). Alan has since gone on other dates, including one with a grossly overweight woman to an L.A. Dodgers game and another that ended with him boring his date and then punching out the rude jerk who was successfully getting her to end the date and go off with him. He seems to desire Charlie's fiance Chelsea. She came back in Season 8 and continued to get together with Alan even though Alan moved in with Lyndsey. When Alan told her it was over (via text message) she went over to Charlie's house and Charlie told her that Alan was at Lyndsey's, it's unknown what happened to her after that. Lyndsey McElroy Lyndsey appears near the end of season seven and the begining of season eight. She had divorced her husband, Chris McElroy for cheating on her with their son's babysitter Stephanie. She has also appeared in a pornographic movie that Charlie, Herb, and most of her neighbors have seen. She is the mother of Jake's best friend Eldridge, who intensely dislikes her. She meets Alan and eventually starts dating him in secret from their kids. They eventually start getting serious, and the relationship is revealed to their kids. They eventually move in together, but it doesn't last as Alan burns down her house with an old pipe. Lyndsey, Eldridge, Alan, and Jake all move back in with Charlie. Lyndsey runs into her exhusband Chris, and they get back together. A few episodes later, things weren't working out with her ex-husband, so she got back together with Alan. However Alan is worried Chris may be stalking him. She later appears in Charlie's Post-death season, where she is dating Alan again, but is fighting interest in Walden to keep her relationship going. After Alan sees her porno, she dumps him when he tells her every little thing he did wrong to apologize, such as not telling Charlie that Manny Quin was a fake and Rose was just making him jealous. In his nightmare in Frodo's Headshots, Alan drempt that Walden had starting sleeping with Lyndsey by accident when trying to comfort her; however, in the actual experience, she wasn't around the house. Cheapness A major point of humor regarding Alan in the series is that he is notoriously cheap. Many of Charlie's insults and jibes at Alan were usually references to his incredible unwillingness to make the slightest expenditure. He gets his hair cut at a barber college, sneaks deviled eggs into the movies (which Charlie describes as "a big box of ass"), and constantly tries to avoid cheques in restaurants by going to the bathroom when it arrives, leading Charlie to call it "the little cheap bastard's room". In one episode Charlie joined him in the men's room to make sure he returns and pays his half of a check; Alan procrastinates for so long that their ladies and the check were picked up by Geraldo Rivera. He finds out in the same episode that Alan's constant scrounging was a result of him saving every spare dollar he had for his lonely future as "Old Alan," and he had accumulated over $5,000 in cash. In later seasons his extreme tightness becomes even more apparent, despite the fact that his financial situation seems to have improved on paper (he no longer pays alimony, Evelyn pledged that she would cover all of the expenses if Jake miraculously got into college, and he remains a rent-free resident at the beach house), and the jokes about his stinginess become more frequent. In season 7 when Alan pays for a meal for himself, Jake and Charlie, Charlie is so astonished that he photographs the event on his iPhone and comments on Alan's wallet opening for the first time. In one episode, while at the movies, Alan orders $25 worth of food for Jake, only to tell Charlie, that he "forgot" his wallet. This leads to an argument where Charlie complains that Alan said he would pay for parking, which he is unable to do, because he does not have his wallet. After a line builds up because of their arguing, Charlie agrees to pay the bill, as soon as Charlie brings out his wallet, Alan orders a bagel-dog to "make it an even 30.". In season 9, Alan does the exact same thing to Walden when they go to the movies. When Melissa refuses to return to Charlie's house after Chelsea calls her a tramp for sleeping with Charlie, Alan resorts to dogging as he refuses to pay for a hotel. Melissa leaves angrily to walk home, commenting that it was not far considering Alan did not want to waste gasoline. (Alan revealed in "I Found Your Mustache" that he fuels up with $3 worth of gas at a time.) In the episode "Pie Hole, Herb" Charlie borrowed 38 dollars from Alan. Alan is so intent on getting every penny back that he resorts to stealing gasoline from Charlie's car. But since there was not enough gas in the tank, Alan points out that Charlie still owes him 24 dollars and 78 cents. In "Sir Lancelot's Litter Box" Charlie bribes Alan at first with 20 dollars to make him shut up about his relationship with Chelsea, when he still wouldn't leave, Charlie gave him fourty dollars to which Alan initially took but a few seconds later gave the money back until Charlie told he he only gave back a twenty dollar bill instead of the fourty. In the season eight episode "Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup" when Charlie and Lyndsey were having a night chat Lindsey stated that Alan was too cheap to pay for a prostitute. Another reason for Alan's cheapness is that his chiroparactic practice has not been consistently successful, mixing periods where he has a high volume of patients with times when he has none of them. When Alan learned that an old friend and colleague living in the same area had a thriving one-man chiropractic clinic, he decided to emulate him by raising money for an advertising campaign, but ended up running a Ponzi scheme where all of his ill-gotten gains went towards luxury items for himself. If Alan sees that anything is on offer for free he is usually very quick to be interested. When Chelsea's father takes Charlie out for drinks and exclaims that he's buying within earshot of Alan he joins them despite not being invited initially. He also asks for Charlie to pay for drinks on his behalf when trying to charm a woman. In Season 5's "Our Leather Gear is in the Guest Room," the episode begins with Alan and Jake coming home from clothes shopping, revealing that Alan buys Jake clothes that are far too big for him, saying that he will grow into them (believing that with Jake growing so much, regular clothes are a waste of money). Later in the episode, Alan and Charlie have a fight, resulting in Alan and Jake moving out. When they ask Evelyn if they can move in temporarily, Jake begins to say that Alan was too cheap for a hotel, before being interrupted by Alan. In Season 8's "Lookin' for Japanese Subs," Jake attempts to produce a volcano effect in his mouth by swallowing a Mentos candy after drinking a can of Diet Coke. Jake's friend, Eldridge, points out that the drink is not the official Coca-Cola brand, with Jake replying, "Yeah, my dad did the shopping." In Season 9's "Thank You for the Intercourse", when Alan begins behaving like Charlie he tells Jake to take his girlfriend out to dinner as his treat, but only gives Jake one dollar. Later in that episode, Jake tells Walden that his Alan is behaving so much like Charlie that the only thing left of him is his cheapness. One of Alan's worst moments of cheapness happens during the episode "Why We Gave Up Women". As he was having a heart attack, and Walden had dropped one hundred dollars, he crawled to it and then collapsed on top of it during the heart attack, caring more about the money than the strain this would cause his heart. Alleged Homosexuality While he is a confirmed heterosexual, it was suggested multiple times throughout the series that Alan might be Bisexual. In "Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous", Alan started to think about being gay himself after meeting a gay guy named Greg in his single-parent support group. Alan found himself thinking this could be the reason he's had so many failed female relationships. At the end, Alan decided to kiss Greg to check if he was gay once and for all. Greg told him that Alan was definitely not gay, as he said he knows gay men...and that even if he was, "which you're not" he would state again, he doesn't find Alan attractive at all, but does Charlie (just like everyone else). Tired of this story of his life, Alan then pushed Greg out of his car and drove away. In another episode, he got his ear pierced by Berta's niece, then his girlfriend, on the "gay side". His family then congratulated him for "coming out". His ear became badly infected before bursting in a bunch of pus. In "For The Sake of The Child" when Alan asked for a certain flavour of ice cream at an ice cream shop Charlie said "Why don't you get a big scoop of gay berry and be done with it. On the episode "A Giant Cat Holding a Churro", Alan revealed to Lyndsey the fact he once kissed a guy in order to find out if he's gay, as a part of many embarrassment secrets about himself he told her, due to an argument about an embarrassing secret from her past she didn't told him about. Masturbation Throughout the series, Alan has a history of masturbating. In season 7 episode 5 "For The Sake of the Child," Alan tells Charlie that he masturbates angrily when he has trouble sleeping. In one episode Charlie says that he caught Alan having sex with the vacuum, but Alan cites it as an "accident." Charlie says that accidents happen once, and he has caught Alan more than once. In season 8 episode 6 "Twanging Your Magic Clanger", Alan was watching porn movies in his bedroom naked when Charlie walked in and was immediately grossed out. Later, Charlie finds Alan watching movies again naked, this time in his living room. Alan finally tells Charlie he has been masturbating because he wanted to use his prescription sexual enhancement pills before they expired (a nod to Alan's reputation for being cheap). The next day, Charlie came home from a date with Michelle, and Alan was in his car listening to Mariachi music while masturbating. Later that night, Alan went to the movie theater and masturbated, which led to an arrest for exposing himself in public, and Charlie for once came across as correct when he disgustedly ignored his brother's phone call begging to be bailed out of jail. In "Humiliation is a Visual Medium", when asked by Charlie how he copes with a lack of sex he responds "take up hobbies, work hard and yank it like a monkey in a mango tree." He also uses Viagra, which his son Jake accidentally took in season 3 episode 16: "Ergo, the Booty Call." In episode 14 of season 8, "Lookin' for Japanese Subs," Charlie states that Alan threw his back out trying to pleasure himself. In the opening episode of season 9, in season 8 one morning when Michelle asked Charlie about a noise she heard he answered that it was Alan masturbating and trying to fall asleep, this is also mentioned in the episode "Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt," Alan admitted he "masturbated and cried myself to sleep" while Walden was having sex with two women in Charlie's old bedroom. It is learned in the episode, "Slowly and in a Circular Fashion" that he can perform auto-fellatio. Trivia *Alan is an unplanned child. His mother personally assures him how he's "a pitcher of margaritas and a gas station condom", in The Sea is a Harsh Mistress. **In the episode 'Warning, It's Dirty', Evelyn reminds Charlie how forty years earlier, he had asked for a little brother for Christmas, which in contrast puts in doubt whether Alan was unplanned or not. *Alan Harper is the only main character who has appeared in every episode on Two and a Half Men. *Despite leading an immenselly pathetic life he is afraid of death. *Walden and his mother both believe Alan is older than 44, and they believe he is 60. *As of Season 9, Alan is the surviving son of Evelyn Harper after Charlie's death *There is a lack of continuity regarding Alan Harper because in the episode "Slowly and in a Circular Fashion" he received $50,000 a year and yet in "Mr. Hose Says 'Yes' '"he says going to a hotel requires money and I have none." It could be that he has already spent all of that money. *Also in "'Slowly and in a Circular Fashion" he received his name on the deeds to the house and yet in "Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'" Zoey snidly tells him "Thank you for letting Walden use '''his own house '''for a change." It's possible that she does not know his name is on the deed. *One of Alan's worst moments of cheapness happens during the episode Why We Gave Up Women. As he was having a heart attack, and Walden had dropped one hundred dollars, he crawled to it as he was having the heart attack. *His name is an anagram for Anal, which Charlie once used to describe his personality. Family History *Father: Francis Charles "Frank" Harper; (Deceased) 1940-1978 *Mother: Evelyn Nora Harper 1945- *Wives: Judith Harper-Melnick, divorced (1991-2004); Kandi Harper, divorced (2006) *Brother: Charles Francis "Charlie" Harper (Deceased) 1967 - 2011 *Son: Jacob David "Jake" Harper (via Judith Harper-Melnick) 1994- *Possible Daughter: Mildred "Milly" Melnick-Harper (via Judith) (Born: May 18th, 2009) *Born: September 22, 1969 Category:Main Characters Category:Titular Characters Category:Main Characters Category:Articles Needing Images Category:Titular Characters Category:Characters Category:Season 1 characters Category:Season 2 characters Category:Season 3 characters Category:Season 4 characters Category:Season 5 characters Category:Season 6 characters Category:Season 7 characters Category:Season 8 characters Category:Season 9 characters Category:Harper Family Category:Season 10 characters Category:Two and a Half Men Category:Two and a Half Men Wiki